Fangirl – that lemon life

Love Stories

Hola everyone.

Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you’re all having a wonderful day, hopefully with all of your loved ones. And as it’s officially the day of love, I thought I’d chat a little bit about my relationship with the one and only love.

You know, when I was younger, Valentine’s Day has always been some kind of event that I tried to ignore as much as possible, one where I tried to shield myself from social media and so on. I guess that’s what you have to do when this day has come and you’re single. But in the past few years I learned how to work with it, how to accept it. And you know, as much of a hopeless romantic I am, I’m a hundred percent convinced that the love that happens between two people in a romantic relationship isn’t the only kind of love that we can find on this beautiful planet.

Although I’ve never had the chance to throw all of my romantic feelings at someone, I know that I have loved in my life. Love has always been a huge part of and in my life. Whether it’s the love I feel for my family or my friends or my pets. It’s still true, unconditional love. Even if it’s the love for a musician or an artist or whatever. Even if it’s the dumbest kind of love, the one where you can be more than certain that nothing will ever, ever come of it. I’m just the kind of person who falls pretty easily. Which is fairly dangerous one the one hand, but turns my life into such an emotional, romantic adventure on the other hand. Sometimes I find myself watching someone on the subway on my way home or at university and for a split of a second I feel my heart do a little jump. And a few moments later they are gone and my bubble of the imaginary future bursts. Some people might call that tragic. Which it actually is, sometimes. But I think it also shows how romantic even the smallest, dullest moments in life can be. And I love this ability. I love that I am able to feel, able to be this sensitive.

I know that people who currently are in a relationship like to feel pity for those people who aren’t, which also includes me. I can’t even tell you how often people asked me how I could actually survive without having a boyfriend. How weird is that? I mean, since when is having a relationship essential for survival? I really, really hope that that’s a mindset that people overcome when growing older. That’s also a reason why I’m quite happy that I had the chance to really get to know myself in the past years. Because this way, having a relationship is an aspect that adds to my happiness and nothing that is essential for its existence.

I love love. I think it’s what brings the magic into our lives. I’m glad that I get to be so passionate. I love my parents. I love my family. I love my pets. I love my friends. I love artists like Ed or Martijn for how happy they make me, even though they have no idea that they have such a great impact in my life. I still love them. All of them. And I would never be ashamed to admit it, even though some people might call me weird or unrealistic or dreamy (which actually is a compliment in my opinion, being dreamy). I’m happy that I get to love. That I get to share it.

You know, love is what turns every moment into something special. It’s in the smiles couples share. It’s the small jump my stomach does whenever I look at my cat sleeping next to me, like right now. It’s the excitement that slowly bubbles up before meeting my best friends after not seeing each other for a while. And it’s the hug I give my mum when coming home from university. Love literally is everywhere around us and I really hope that you get to cherish it as much as I do.

Guys, I want you to know, whether you’re in a happy relationship right now or single or anything inbetween, you are loved, every single day, by people you might not even know it. You all mean the world to so many people. I really hope that you are all happy and if days like today make you feel alone or anything, I’m here and happy to listen. Please know that. You are not alone. Being in a relationship is okay and being single is okay too. Being happy is what matters the most. I hope you get all the love you deserve. And that you are all having a wonderful Valentine’s Day. And, of course, that you enjoyed this post. Please don’t hesitate to leave your comments down below. And, as always, thanks for reading. x

Oh my god

Hola everyone.

I can just repeat myself over and over again. Oh my god. Oh my freaking god. Guys. You’re not going to believe what happened in Amsterdam. Seriously. I myself am still so deep in shock, it’s overwhelming. But let me start at the beginning before I get a heart attack.

Okay, so, as some of you may know, my friend and I flew to Amsterdam last Thursday for ADE (Amsterdam Dance Event), mainly to see Martijns show on Friday. And usually I’d start off this series by telling you all about the beautiful Amsterdam and showing you the pictures I took, but I’m literally too freaking excited to keep this to myself any longer. I just have to tell you guys, really. And just to warn you, this post will feature quite a lot of me fangirling and freaking out, so read at your own risk. And please enjoy. Seriously. I can’t freaking believe I really get to tell you all of this. I’m so damn happy.

So, as already mentioned Martijns show was on Friday. It was my third time seeing Martijn in a matter of three years – let’s say I already can’t wait for next year. And the reason for us flying to Amsterdam and not to any of his other shows was actually the show in Amsterdam itself. I knew the show because as the fan I am, I watched the whole livestream of his show last year. And that included jumping around in front to my TV until 4 am in the morning. And goddammit, was it worth it. And as I was sitting on my couch at the end, happy tears glistening in my eyes and my heart racing, I thought to myself “one day I’ll see this live, one day”. But who would have guessed that one day meant a year afterwards? Not me, to be honest. Actually I’m still so baffled that this really happened. That I really flew to Amsterdam and went to Martijns show. It’s so unreal.

For me, Friday was just about counting down the hours until I’d be seeing him. The show was scheduled to start at 10 pm in the evening and last until 6 am in the morning (holy moly), with Martijn playing from half past one until 4 am. That’s 2 and a half hours of pure heaven for me.

So, half an hour before 10 pm we made our way to the venue. Thank god our hotel we were staying at had the best location ever, so the RAI, the venue, was only about 15 minutes away. Saying that I was really excited would be such an understatement, no joke. I was literally jumping around my friend with the biggest smile on my face. My heart was racing. After getting to the venue we immediately got into the queue and I got a little bit worried. I mean, not to be dramatic or anything, but Dutch are freaking tall. Holy moly. My tiny self standing behind all those tall ass men and women, not even being able to see the entrance. I knew that if we wouldn’t be able to get a spot right at the front or behind some magical dwarfs, I wouldn’t be able to see Martijn at all. So yeah, I got a teeny tiny scared.

And then we got into the venue and immediately starting ticking off our to-do-list. I wanted to buy merch, we wanted to put our stuff into a locker and then we had to look out for a good spot. First thing was merch, of course I had to buy some, especially as Martijns merch is more like a clothing line on itself and not just a shirt with his name and symbol on. I chose to treat myself a little bit and bought his new jumper, which if I’m correct is his newest piece of merch and basically clothing heaven. It may have been a little bit on the pricey side but oh well. I’m literally going to live in this the whole winter, so it was really worth it.

After that we secured our stuff and got into the venue. And holy moly, what a huge building. At first we went straight for the stage one of his support acts was playing on already but I thought that that could never be Martijns stage. And then I saw it, the stage we were meant to head for. His stage. What a beauty.

So we got closer and closer and closer and then, and I’m not joking, we were suddenly right at the barrier in the front row. Can you believe this? Front row!!! We seriously managed to get into the front row at one of Martijns biggest shows. The show in his own hometown. And let’s get this straight, Martijn has this kind of fans that wait for hours just to see him. If I would have expected anything to happen, it would surely never have been this. I still can’t quite handle it. First freaking row right next to the stage. So crazy. During the three hours we waited for him, we sat against the barrier and I once in a while had to jump up and look at the stage to realize it. I freaked out every single time.

And then, at half past 1 in the morning (what a crazy time to start a show), it was finally time. I think I went into trance the moment he walked up the stage, basically because we were just a few meters apart. I know, at that point I had already seen him twice, but being so close and being able to take everything in, his mimic, his moves, the way he works and plays his music, is something completely different. It’s mesmerizing, to be honest. And let me tell you something, this guy and his team work their asses of before and at these shows. Seriously. It’s the biggest party ever.

And of course the show was mind-blowing, as always. I truly loved every single second of it and although he played for two and a half hours, he could have gone on for another few hours in my opinion. I just didn’t want him to stop. Ever. And I don’t really know why, but somehow being at his shows and experiencing it all live lifts all the weight off my shoulders. Like, I think those are the hours I feel the freest in my life. At those moments it’s just him, his music and me. The rest of the world is gone and with it all my worries and troubles and thoughts. I scream my lungs out, sing every single lyric like it’s the last time and dance like I’ve never danced before. Now you should know that I usually never dance when I’m not alone, so getting me to dance for more than two hours really means a lot. You know, it’s not just that I enjoy being in his presence so much that make this kind of shows so special for me. It’s everything combined. The music, Martijn, the crowd, the production, everything. It’s pure heaven for me. And means hundred percent happiness. The shows are literally like my own personal drug and right now I’m on a cold turkey and it’s driving me insane. I need more.

Apart from that Martijn is literally the cutest sunshine ever. He sometimes had a camera behind him and then turned around and did a heart sign and smiled so brightly, it was like the sun just moved from the sky into the venue and was lighting up the whole room. And during the show he actually pointed at people in the crowd until they looked at him and then he did both a heart sign and put his hands together as a sign for saying thank you. I mean, how freaking cute is that? Who does that? He literally said thank you a hundred times.

I recently read an interview he did with Nylon Magazine (here’s the link: nylon.com), in which they asked him what he is looking for in an artist he is watching himself and he said this:

“I just want to see that the artist is enjoying themselves. I don’t like it if an artist is on stage, giving this attitude, like, “I don’t give a fuck who you guys are. I’m getting paid.” I like it if I see an artist generally enjoying the show. It makes me enjoy the show a million times more. They have to care.”

And that’s like so me. And describes him perfectly too. Because the moment he goes up on stage until he leaves again, Martijn makes you feel so appreciated. You can really see and feel that he enjoys and loves what he’s doing and that he’s grateful. And I think that’s so important. And it basically makes me love him even more.

So yeah, the show continued and I was so so so happy. And then he played his last song, In The Name Of Love, and I’m just going to be honest now, yes, I cried. If you ever get to experience this song live, you’ll know why. It’s literally the most beautiful part of the show, as Martijn let’s the crowd sing and thousands of people singing with him standing on his pult, smiling from ear to ear with his hands up in the air forming a heart, that’s just pure magic. You could really feel the love in the whole room.

And after playing this song he went off stage. Watse, his manager, came up and they hugged – I’m so happy that I got to see him too – and Louis, his photographer, hugged him too and then he was gone. Actually, due to the fact that I watched the lifestream last year and saw that he went down to the crowd at the end, I was kind of expecting him to do that again, but yeah, he was gone. But I was an emotional wreck anyway.

So I turned to my friend, happy tears in my eyes and suddenly there was a huge uproar and I turned around and there he was, jumping down from the stage with his security guys. And from that moment on, I can’t really remember anything else than looking at him. I don’t know how I got this amazing spot at the front, I don’t know who was standing next to me and I didn’t even notice that another DJ was already playing again. The moment I saw him the world was literally gone. First I need to tell you that, no, I didn’t get a picture or anything, but I don’t even care. Luckily for me he knew the girl standing left to me – I guess she has a fan account, because he knows those -, so he stopped and stood there for maybe 5 seconds but for me it lasted for hours. I probably looked like the craziest freak ever, I was so shocked. Thank god he didn’t fully look at me, he would have probably thought I’m the biggest weirdo ever.

Like, can you believe this? Martijn was literally half a meter away from me. I still can’t cope with the fact that I got to look into his eyes and see his beautiful smile up close. That’s just too unreal for me.

He was down with the crowd for less than a minute but it seemed like an hour for me. After stopping in front of me he proceeded to the very end of the line, taking pictures with fans and hugging some of them. I remember that I suddenly heard someone talking over the speakers and saw that it was actually him. I don’t know how but he suddenly had a mic in his hand and was jumping around with the crowd, hyping us up for Brooks, who was playing at that moment. And he looked so happy. I just stood there, admiring him and his amazing smile. All I could think and say was oh my god. That was everything I was able to articulate at that moment. I didn’t even notice the pain in my ribs as people were pushing me into the metal barriers. And I didn’t care, to be honest.

And can I just say this? He is so goddamn beautiful. Like, not just good looking. He truly is beautiful and I’m so damn thankful for everything he does and for every single time he puts a smile on my face. After he was gone I turned around to my friend and literally threw myself into her arms, happy tears streaming down my face and my whole body shaking all over. At that very moment, I felt like the happiest person in the whole universe. I think it took me about 15 minutes to calm down, I was so shocked – but in a good way, the best, actually.

I was momentarily deaf, my voice was gone and my body was numb. In short, I was completely done. And so damn happy. We then walked home to our hotel and I literally couldn’t stop talking and smiling and laughing. I think if I took drugs, I would only be half as hyped up as I was at that moment. It still makes my heart race and my eyes light up in happiness when I think and talk about it. So you can probably guess how happy I am feeling right now.

So yeah, there you go guys. That’s what happened last Friday and basically one of the happiest nights of my life. I still haven’t fully realized that this seriously happened. It’s like a dream come true. And I know, some of you may think “oh, what a crazy fangirl”, but you know what? Yes, I am a fangirl. And it’s literally turned me into the happiest person ever. I know, society has different thoughts when I comes to that. I’m used to people thinking that I’m weird for admiring someone who’s so out of reach, but honestly, at the end of the day, I listen to a song or watch a short video and get a huge smile on my face and a bubbly feeling in my stomach and that’s what matters. At least that’s what matters the most to me.

I recently came across a tweet by the account “vodkawithjacob” that perfectly sums up my thoughts: “you know… i will never regret being a fangirl even though its probably the reason why ive never had a boyfriend or a social life and people think im weird but i dont care bc while being a fangirl i’ve had the greatest moments of my life and the best friendships i could wish for”

And you know what, that’s so true. I will never ever regret being a fangirl. I get to feel emotions I would never be able to feel otherwise. And I get to travel to places and meet people I would never see or meet in any other way. Right now my heart is so full of happiness and love and you know, I’m so damn thankful for that. Martijn is a literal sunshine and he makes my world light up and I seriously can’t wait to see him again.

So, guys, there you have it. My happiness on a plate. I’m sorry that this post turned out to be so long, but I just had to tell you everything and get it off my chest. I hope you at least enjoy me babbling on about the things and people that make me happy. Have any of you ever been to Amsterdam or to one of Martijns shows? Do you like EDM? Please don’t hesitate to leave a comment down below. And until then I wish you all an amazing weekend and, as always, thank you so much for reading. x

Ps: I literally just scrolled through the pictures of Martijns show and oh my god guys. There is literally a picture online with me and him together. I mean, I’m blurred and all but you can clearly see me as I had my flashlight turned on – I forgot to turn it off – and I’m freaking out right now. You can even see my shocked face, even though I’m blurred. Oh my god.

Here’s the link: facebook.com

Being a fangirl

Hola everyone.

Today I want to talk about a topic that really means a lot to me. And that possibly some of you can relate to. Which is being a fangirl or like I would say it, being completely obsessed with a band or a musician.

So, I recently talked my friend about this because I watched a three hour long live stream of Marin Garrix show at the Amsterdam Dance Event (ADE). And you can probably already tell by now that I completely freaked out. It was 4 am and I was jumping around in front of my TV, smiling from one ear to the other with Peaches and Molly sleeping behind me on the couch. They probably thought I was completely crazy. And I sometimes caught myself thinking that too, but you know, who cares? I had such a blast and it was so freaking amazing.

And here comes the important part. Of course I had to tell my friend all about that and I sent her about 150 messages that night because I was so excited and I just had to share my excitement. We talked about it the next day and I had the feeling that I was annoying. And then she told me that she kind of stopped being a fangirl. And I was shocked. Because she was once obsessed with bands and music like me. But somehow that changed.

She said things like dreaming and living in a real world and so on. And then I started thinking. Because I am a huge fangirl, but I never thought that I lived in a fake, dreamy world. I mean, dreaming makes the world so much better, but that doesn’t mean that you forget about the real world.

Since starting to be a fangirl I’ve always been confronted with this typical idea that people had of fangirls and moreover of me because I was and am one. According to them, fangirls are young, dreamy girls that scream about everything a band or a musician does and want to marry them. They live in a fake world that they have to grow out of. Until then they are just some weird girls being obsessed over people they’ll never meet.

This idea might fit for 12 year old girls, maybe not even then. And I want to use this post to spread a new idea of what a fangirl truly is. Because I am a fangirl and I’m nothing of the above. I noticed that when I talked to my friend. And I wrote a list of my favorite bands and musicians:

Conor Maynard
Fall Out Boy
Two Door Cinema Club
Panic! At The Disco
The 1975
Twenty One Pilots
Martin Garrix
Ed Sheeran

Apart from Conor and Martijn, there are no guys out there I can fall in love with. Maybe Ed too, his voice is just too angelic. But the point I want to get to is that when I started being a fangirl I was this little crazy girl who dreamt about marrying some guy (okay, it was Justin, hey hey) but I grew up and I am still this crazy girl, but today I am crazy about the music. I still stalk the bands online. I still fly over to concerts in different countries. I still go to concerts wayyyy to early just to get a good view. I still scream when I see them. I still cry when the bands finally get on stage and I get to see them. I still have them as my lock screen on my phone, depending on which one I love most right now. I still buy the albums. And I still think about them all the time. They are my world. Always were, always will be.

So nothing changed. Except that I grew up. You know, whenever people notice how crazy you are about some certain bands or musicians, they look at you like you’ve just completely lost your mind. But that’s not how it is. I’m a fan. And I’m a girl. So I am a FAN-GIRL. I’m not 12, I don’t dream about stupid unreal scenarios and I’m not crazy. I just show how much I love music and the people who bring it into my life. And that’s it. That’s what being a fangirl nowadays means.

So, there you go. I know, this is kind of a rant about the general view of fangirls, but I just had to get it out there. Even my mum is a fangirl still and Coldplay, the band we flew over to Copenhagen just to see them, is the reason for this. And I hope I’ll once fly to concerts with my children when I’m older. And I really really really hope that my children will fall as hard in love with music as I did. Because it brought so much happiness into my life that I can’t even describe it. Seriously.

As this is a really important part of my life, I’d be really happy to receive some messages from you guys. So feel free to talk to me, I’m here. I really hope that you enjoyed this post, it really means a lot to me. And as always, thank you so much for reading. x

#TeamIronMan

Hola everyone.

The wait is over. FINALLY. I hope some of you guys already know what I’m talking about looking at the title of this post, but I will tell you all anyway.

The new Captain America movie has finally been released and as the HUGE Marvel fan I am, I already went out to see it as soon as I could. And oh my god, let me tell you, that movie is literally so damn amazing, that I have no words.

First of all, I think I should explain my love for Marvel. It all started with Iron Man, that’s why I am and always will be Team Iron Man, forever and always. So, he is literally the reason I got into this whole Marvel Cinematic Universe thing and got pretty much obsessed with it. Completely. I have literally seen every single movie since Iron Man came out (except Ant-Man, but I will see that one in two weeks, so don’t judge). And I just fell in love with the movies more and more and more and more. I couldn’t get enough and I can’t either now. I think I never will.

Anyway, that’s the reason I was looking forward to seeing Captain America: Civil War since I got out of the cinema after watching The Avengers 2. And I can tell you, that’s a looooong time for a Marvel fangirl like me. So I just waited. And time passed and the release day came. And I went crazy. Completely.

I think I have never been THAT excited for a movie before. It was like I was waiting for a concert to start. I just wanted to get into that seat and start the movie. I think I also felt like this because of the story:

Soooo, the movie starts right after the incidents of The Avengers 2, with the whole Sokovia and Ultron thing. You can probably tell that a lot of people were killed or hurt in that battle and the government can’t let that happen another time. They want to monitor and in some way control our beloved heroes. And that’s when the team breaks apart. On the one side we have Captain America with his supporters, who state that they can’t just look away when something bad happens until the government allows them to do something about it. On the other side we have my fave Iron Man with his team, who understand what the government wants and also want to prevent any actions by the Avengers that could hurt any more people. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like they can find a way to get together, so the epic battle begins and noone really knows who is going to win.

Seriously, how cool is that? When I first saw the trailer, I was speechless (oh, here’s the link if you haven’t seen it: youtube.com). Mostly because I was so scared for Tony. I don’t know what I would do if something happens to him. And of course, because of all of the new characters. Black Panther? Ant-Man? SPIDERMAN????? Epiiiiiiic (I know, I’m overly fangirling right now).

So, you can see why I was so excited. But let’s get to the most important part – the movie, of course. IT WAS BREATHTAKING. Like, it’s just a huge emotional rollercoaster. At one moment you seriously can’t handle all the epicness, at another one you feel tears streaming down your face, but then something funny happens and you just have to laugh and then it gets serious again and oh my god, it’s just so exciting and thrilling and amazing. Apart from all the amazing and exciting and supercool action sequences, there’s also a really emotional and totally unexpected story hidden that just makes the movie even better, but I won’t spoil anything, of course. But seriously, if any of you get the slightest chance to watch this movie, please do it, for your own sake. You won’t regret it, I swear (unless you don’t like superheroes or epic movies or haven’t seen any of the movies before, because then you will literally have no idea of what is going on).

I seriously can’t wait for all the other movies Marvel has planned and now that phase 3 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe has started with this huge epic movie, I’m more than excited for what’s to come. If any of you are as much in love with Marvel as me, I would literally love to talk to you. And please, let me know which team you are – Team Cap or Team Iron Man? I’m really curious. And until then, I can just tell you to please go and watch that movie and hope that you enjoyed this post and getting to know my crazy nerdy fangirl side. And as always, thanks for reading. x #TeamIronMan

Ps: I just bought this little Funko Pop Iron Man figure and I just can’t handle its cuteness. Look how cute. I can’t wait to receive it and put in on my desk.