Hola everyone.


Yes, the day has finally come. I am here and I’m finally going to talk about Endgame. I know, it really took me long enough, but those of you who have seen it and have followed my blog for a while will know exactly why. I needed time to recover. But now I’m ready to let all my thoughts and emotions spill. Just a quick note at the beginning: No, I don’t think that Avengers: Endgame is the best Marvel movie ever, but before you start shouting at me, please first let me tell you why I think this way. Naturally, this means that the following paragraphs will contain a freaking HUGE amount of spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie yet – first of all, what are you even doing, and secondly, well freaking done not getting spoiled until now – please stop reading now. Trust me, it will definitely ruin the experience of the movie. Go and see it at the cinema (preferably in IMAX) and just enjoy the movie. Seriously.

.

So, for one last time…

.

HUGE AMOUNT OF SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS: ENDGAME COMING YOUR WAY

.

Before I actually start discussing the movie, let me quickly explain why this movie, from the day I knew it would be coming, meant so much to me. In 2009 I was sat in front of my tv at home, flicking through the channels and ended up on one particular scene, showing a guy dressed in a metal suit, flying around in the air. I decided to keep watching it and in that very moment, I started off a journey into a completely different, wonderfully fascinating universe that would continue being by my side for the next 10 years. I didn’t know it then, but the strange guy, who, back then, was a bit too full of himself, although I still thought he looked cool in the golden and red suit, would soon become my all-time favourite fictional character and my ultimate hero (besides my mum, but we’re talking about fictional stuff). I soon went from calling him Iron Man to referring to him as Tony. My Tony. I remember writing down a list of all the upcoming highlights of 2013 and proudly putting the release of Iron Man 3 right up there. That’s how much I loved the movies. And not just Tony, but also all the others (we don’t talk about Thor 1 & 2). Doctor Strange blew my mind with all its endless colours and realities, while Thor: Ragnarok had me shed tears of laughter. Civil War had me broken for the one character I loved the most, while Spiderman combined my two favourite heroes (Tony and Peter) and made me fall in love with the friendly neighbourhood Spiderman all over again. And then came Infinity War. The one movie that still is, even after Endgame, the single best movie, no, the single best cinematic experience, I’ve ever had and seen in my entire life. It is and will always be pure perfection. At least for me. No other movie has ever made my feel such a complex mix of emotions within the duration of two and a half hours. And that’s the most important part when it comes to the MCU – it makes me feel things. Over the course of those 10 years, I’ve gotten attached to certain characters, fought discussions for them, had them guide me on my own path in life. Marvel has become a part of my life, a part of me.

.

And this is why Endgame was so important to me. And also why it hurt so much. I went into the cinema, thinking that I would be walking out as the same person I walked in. But no. Endgame did something to me no other movie or tv show, basically anything fictional, has ever done to me. It broke me. And here’s why.

.

They killed him.

They really made my most feared scenario become reality and killed off the one character I loved the most. They killed Tony. My Tony. The one character that has been with me for the past ten years and now he’s just gone and I don’t know what to do. Honestly, I swear, if I hadn’t been crying so much, it would have been quiet enough in the cinema to literally hear my heart burst into a million pieces. I felt like someone had just ripped out my heart, set it on fire, jumped on it, torn it into pieces and then thrown these pieces down a cliff, just to scrape them off the ground and give them back to me with an evil grin on their face. Leni, who I watched the movie with, later told me that she could actually hear me whisper “please no. please no. I don’t want to see this. I don’t want to see this.” over and over again. I was literally begging for his life, although I knew I couldn’t do anything. I wish I could have.

.

I don’t know how long I cried for. I mean, I started to tear up as soon as we saw Clint’s family turn to dust, and Nat sacrificing herself for the soul stone had me in ugly tears as well, but that was nothing compared to my state when Tony died. I actually don’t remember most of the movie after that moment, I just know that when everyone had left the room and I was finally able to get up, I went to the toilet, locked myself in and started to cry again. I just couldn’t help myself. But there was this nice moment that happened as I was sitting there, bawling my eyes out. I could hear someone next to me crying as well and at that moment I didn’t feel alone anymore. I knew I wasn’t the only one going through this and that helped.

.

It took me about three weeks to fully recover and to go through all the stages of grief. Which I really did go through, I’m not even kidding. First came the shock, the obvious stage. And as soon as we got out of the cinema, I said: “I’ve never seen that movie, that never happened, Tony is still alive, Marvel can f* off.” Yep, that right there is denial in it’s most perfect form. And the rest was just a few cries, mixed with A LOT of anger, that’s still lurking around in the back of my head, topped with a few bits and bops of hope. But I think I’ve got it now. I mean, I still cried yesterday when RDJ posted his goodbye video of his last day on set on Instagram, but besides that I’m fine. I think.

.

To be honest, if I didn’t love Tony that much, I think I would actually be fine with his ending. But you never want someone you love to die, do you? But I get it. He’s the hero. He’s always been the hero. And he could have never fully settled down if he didn’t know that the world was a 1000000000 % safe. That’s just who he is. So, I get it. And I’m proud to be a fan of the best one. I recently read an interview in which Joe Russo answered the question of why it had to be Tony. Why he had to be the one to defeat Thanos. Here’s what he said: “Stark is the most formidable of all of them. Because of his heart.” I can’t even begin to describe how much that sentence means to me. I think that’s also why I partly love Endgame. It’s a homage to Tony. He was the one to start it all. He was the one to make it all happen. They would have never been able to even go back in time and get the stones without having him figure out time travel in the first place. It’s always been him. He has always been and will always be the best of all of them and Endgame proved that.

.

I’m just not quite sure if I wouldn’t have liked him to just be a mediocre hero who actually got to survive. But then it wouldn’t be Tony, I guess. His arc is the defining arc of the MCU and his story has always been the core of it all. He’s the heart of the MCU and I honestly have no idea what they’re going to do without him now. I mean, I’ve slightly got my hopes up for Far From Home and a Tony A.I., but after watching that video that Robert posted, I’m not so convinced anymore. I guess I just need to accept that I won’t see this man in that role ever again and that’s actually the hardest step of all of them.

.

So, that’s that about Tony and how Endgame broke my heart. But, honestly, that’s not why I’m just not such a big fan of the movie. Don’t get me wrong, the movie had some of the best moments in cinematic history, and scenes I deeply loved. It basically gave me everything I was hoping for and then crushed it all in front of my eyes. But still, it had so many good parts. I loved seeing Tony interact with Nebula, who, in my opinion, is one of the best characters of the whole movie. The scene when Tony finally gets back to earth and then goes up against Cap in that amazing monologue is one of the most empowering scenes ever. I wanted to scream at that part, no joke. I’ve always wanted Tony to call Cap out on his mistakes and he finally did it and it made me feel so alive. Because Cap just had to stand there and endure it. And he deserved it. Also, it was one of the best scenes I’ve ever seen from Robert and if the Academy doesn’t nominate him for an Oscar I’ll be knocking on their door very very soon.

.

I loved seeing Tony with his young daughter Morgan, who, I’m not going to lie, is the cutest kid ever. And I was so happy to finally see him get what he always wanted – a family. I might just have to add now that I’m still furious with the Russos and the writers McFeely and Markus for saying that giving Tony five years of perfect retirement life was enough, but I’ve been angry about that for long enough now. I’d rather focus on the fact that these were the cutest scenes of the whole movie and the fact that the “I love you 3000” line actually comes from Robert himself because his own kids say that to him, which nearly brings my heart to a burst. Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?

.

Also, finally putting Pepper into a suit was definitely one of the best decisions they could make. Again, this all happened thanks to Robert, who told the directors that Pepper needed to become a more important character, which again proves that the MCU would never be what it is now without this amazing actor and his love for this franchise. I can just repeat myself – I really don’t know what they’re going to do without him now.

.

Besides that, despite what most people say, it made total sense to me that Nat had to sacrifice herself. She would never be the one to watch her best friend kill himself for her, so I always knew it would be her. And I liked how they made the scene turn out, them fighting over the sacrifice, it made it all that bit more dramatic. I have to admit that I like the idea of her sacrificing herself in order to prove how much she loves her Avengers family more than the thought of the writers of how Clint had to stay alive because he had a family. What a dumb thing to say. They killed Tony, who also had family, so what do they even mean?

.

And I liked that Clint got to be in the bigger picture again, as I’ve always really enjoyed the character. I still don’t quite get why they had to show him kill some Asian guys as Ronin, but oh well. I don’t know if they will show him in future movies, but I would be quite happy if they did.

.

So far about the characters I did like. Now, let’s talk about the most epic part – the end fight. Holy moly. Leni and I watched the movie in IMAX, so, without exaggerating, I was sitting there, watching that part, and I had no idea where to look. There was just so much going on. First, the holy trinity (Tony, Cap and Thor) fighting Thanos. Clint running away from the Chitauri with the gauntlet in his hand. Then Cap fighting Thanos on his own and suddenly being able to wield Mjølnir. And then him suddenly hearing “on your left”, said by Falcon, and seeing all the portals open up around him and all the dusted characters being alive again and coming to help them fight Thanos. Pepper becoming Rescue and fighting Thanos’ army alongside Tony. Tony hugging Peter after he finally came back and uttering “hold me, kid, hold me”. All the female characters teaming up to beat Thanos. Wanda basically being the baddest of them all and saying “you took everything from me” to Thanos – which also kind of describes how I’m feeling about Endgame, to be honest. Just the overall fight and being able to watch all of these different characters fighting alongside each other blew my mind. Definitely one of the best scenes I’ve ever been able to experience.

.

Overall, the production of this movie is out of this world. The dynamics, the colours, the cinematography. All the people working in the CGI apartment for Marvel should receive an award for this because they sure outdid themselves with this one. Apart from that, I absolutely love the score – a big thank you to Alan Silvestri for that one. And last but not least, the actors. RDJ (obviously), Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Karen Gillan, Tom Holland (who always receives the script the day they are shooting and basically improvises nearly every single scene), Josh Brolin, just to name a few. All of them brought their A-game to this movie and I’m still stunned by that. They deserve all the recognition they get and I’m so glad we got to see all of these amazing actors together in one movie. Also, let’s not forget the fantastic stunt doubles who did an incredible job as well. Basically, the whole movie is a compilation of amazing people doing their best.

.

But, as I stated at the beginning, the movie, for me, is far from being perfect. I have to admit that I had indeed set the bar very high. Infinity War had, actually. I wanted Endgame to be perfect, maybe even more than that, and, unfortunately, it couldn’t live up to that. Which would be fine, if it didn’t have obvious issues. First of all, and some people might not agree with me on that one, I hated what they did with Thor and Hulk. Thor: Ragnarok is one of the best Marvel movies ever and it made me fall in love with the two characters, whereas Endgame made a joke out of both of them. I know that Thor had to be the one character to prove that he indeed suffers, but making him fat just for laughs was cheap (the filmmakers indeed admitted that it was meant to be a joke). And what happened to Hulk? Why did he have to dab? The more they showed him, the more I started to lose respect and it made me feel so bad because I honestly love Bruce. I read a theory that Hulk could become Hulk again through his pain after hearing that Nat had died and I honestly would have loved that take so much more.

.

On the other hand, I would have also liked the ending to be a bit different. Not different as in an alternate ending – although I would do nearly anything to have Tony back. I would have just liked the movie to end on another note. Personally, I always knew that Cap would go back in time and stay there with Peggy. I even betted on that with Leni. I just knew. But I didn’t want it to be the last scene of the movie. Because it left me with a feeling that we had all just watched another Captain America movie and not an Avengers one. It shouldn’t have been just him with Peggy. The funeral should have been the end. Because it was the scene where all of them were together (slight note: did you all see Harley? I’m so happy to have him back). It would have given us the sense of togetherness and how the movie was about THEM and not just Cap and his lovey-dovey ending (frankly, I’m a bit bitter about that) (also, I won’t talk about the time travel aspect, because it still is a plot hole, but oh well). That should have been the post-credit scene and at the very end, before the lights turned on, we should have heard the sound of Tony making his very first suit in that cave from a bunch of scraps. That would have been the perfect ending for me (besides having Tony live – and no, I’ll never stop complaining about that).

.

And lastly, I also have to say that I have a slight problem with the overall story. I know that the movie was meant to be a celebration of the past ten years, which is why they had us relive Avengers again and Thor 2 and the first Guardians movie. And I loved that, I really did. But after much deliberation, I think it was kind of lazy as well. It relied way too much on the concept of fan service. And of course I am a huge fan of fan service, because, you guessed it, I am indeed a fan. But at the end of the day, I am an even bigger fan of innovation. Having us watch the battle of New York again and giving us a glance behind the scenes is fan service. Putting Doctor Strange, Spidey and Tony in one ship and having them collide with the Guardians on a planet called Titan, which none of them has ever been on, is innovation. And that’s where Endgame is different. It lacks innovation. Of course, it was nice to relive the past 22 movies, but I would have loved to see something new. Something I would remember for the rest of my life (besides the end fight and losing Tony).

.

So yeah, guys, there you go. That’s my take on Avengers: Endgame. I’m pretty sure I forgot to include a bunch of other scenes, but I think I managed to discuss my personal most important aspects. I’m sure you all have your own takes on the movie and I’m even more sure that some of you won’t agree with me at all. But maybe some of you will. Either way, I would love to hear your opinions, so please don’t hesitate to leave your thoughts and comments down below. I’m always open to a nice discussion.

.

In the end, I just have to say, that despite my feelings about the movie, I am incredibly happy to be able to experience something like this. 11 years ago absolutely nobody would have dared to dream about something like this and now we are here. A moment in time where a superhero movie could become the biggest movie of all time. How incredible is that? And personally, I’m incredibly grateful that I got to spend my time growing up with the one and only Robert Downey Jr. accompanying me on my path as the one and only Tony Stark. After losing him, I suddenly noticed how much this character really means to me and I’ll be forever grateful for being able to go on this journey with him. He’s the character I could always identify myself with the most – despite not being a billionaire and a genius myself (I wish). He was always the most relatable one. The one who wasn’t born or made a superhero, the one who wasn’t trained or calls himself a god. He’s just a human being, but the smartest one I know, with the biggest heart. And that’s why I’ve always loved him. And despite how much the movie has hurt me, I still love Marvel with all of my heart. 3000.

,

And I love you guys as well. If you’ve made it until here, thanks so much for reading all of my thoughts, you’re amazing. I dearly hope you enjoyed them. And, as always, I wish you a lovely weekend and thanks for reading. x

Posted by:Laura

One thought on “Why Endgame broke me

Say something

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s