Tag: personal

What Now?

Hola everyone.

Well, where do I start? It’s been a tough few days and weeks and I’m probably not alone in asking myself when this hell of a time will finally end. I was actually planning on publishing a recent interview I did with the amazing LA indie band HUNNY back when I was still in London, but I thought an update would probably be a bit more beneficial. So here’s what’s been happening here in Austria and also in my own headspace.

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Let’s start with something positive first, as all I’ve been surrounded by in the past few weeks have been bad news and I can’t deal with them anymore. I’m officially 24 and 3 days old. Yeeeeeyyyyy me. That’s one thing this asshat of a virus couldn’t take away from me – my birthday. And despite all that’s been happening, it was actually a super nice day. Take that, Corona, you pain the ass. The whole day was dedicated to forgetting about the current events as much as possible and it really worked, which made me insanely happy. I spent a lovely day with my parents and even got to see my grandma (in a safe way, obvs) and just two days ago I had my Skype birthday party with my friends. Because that’s how you party in 2020 – via facetime. A few weeks ago I would’ve probably said that was quite lame, but it actually was really really nice to see all my friends and to have a chat together. Also, I got myself an amazing birthday present – an Olympus XA2 film camera, which I can’t wait to finally get my hands on.

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Besides that, I’ve been stuck on a shitty, emotional rollercoaster since I came home about two weeks ago (feels like I’ve been home five months, not two weeks). One day I’m feeling okay and pretty optimistic and then a few hours later I seem to have lost every sense of positivity. It’s a constant up and down. But through all of this, I’ve learned to accept my own feelings and to work with them. I feel like right now many people look down on people who are complaining about missing out on experiences, holiday trips, birthday parties, weddings, all that. Because it’s constantly about the greater good, about saving lives. And of course, that’s the top priority right now. But sometimes it’s also okay to feel depressed, to have negative thoughts, to be sad or simply to be egoistic. Because trust me when you’re stuck in the same house for over two weeks with nowhere else to go or nothing else to do, your world gets really small really quick.

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And yes, I’ve been feeling very anxious. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be able to return to London and my old life. And I’ve told many people about my worries and have often heard that I need to accept the current situation and that there’s nothing I can do, but fuck that, honestly. Do you know what it feels like to live your literal dream life, to build a new life up somewhere else, a completely new place, and have it be this perfect and then have it ripped out of your hands in a matter of a few minutes? It’s shit, that’s what it is. And I know some of you might think I’m insane for saying stuff like this out loud because I should probably tell you to #stayathome and pray or tell you who I’m staying at home for or tell you how dramatic the situation is in Italy and that nobody should complain even once, but, again, fuck that. Quite a lot of us are losing quite a lot right now, by the simple act of staying at home for longer than any of us have ever had to in the past and it should be allowed to talk about it. People are losing to illnesses that have been here way longer than this virus has. People can’t watch their children being born. Happy couples had to cancel their weddings. People are losing jobs on a daily basis. My mum had to close her office and put her whole company on hold two weeks ago with no information about when she’ll be able to work again and little to no support from the government. My dad works at a bank and still has to go to work every day, risking his life and the lives of others day by day (although I’d do quite a lot to be able to go outside and see other people right now). And then there’s me with no idea when I’ll be able to return to London, my second home, again.

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So, every day has become a huge ass question mark, which is just another reason why I’ve started to live from one day to another. I’ve stopped making plans for anything, because I’d rather have no plans than having yet another event canceled that I was looking forward to (*cough* any concerts ever *cough*). And besides that, it has also kinda helped me to stay positive. Daily walks have become my highlight of the day. I’ve buried myself in a book I’ve been reading (The Nightingale; it’s fantastic, but definitely not for someone looking for a light, fun read) and I’ve actually resurrected my Nintendo DS and have been playing Harvest Moon in my urge of getting my mind off buying a Switch so I can play Animal Crossing, like 90 % percent of the internet right now (I’m so damn close to buying it though). And on a more artistic note, I’ve recently started drawing again, which has really helped me calm down when I’m feeling anxious. And cuddling with my loved ones, that’s a big one as well. Cuddle and hold your parents and anyone you’re stuck inside with right now. Talk to your friends. Go and press your cat or dog to your face. It really helps.

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In a nutshell, that’s what my life has been like in the past two weeks. It has been just as chaotic as this blog post right here. I go from straight-up positivity to the darkest of times in a matter of a few hours day by day, but I know I’m not alone in this and that kinda helps. I guess we’re all in this together. So let’s just try and be kind to each other. But as I’ve sworn myself, please promise me to never disregard your own feelings. It’s okay if you’re feeling down or feel like there’s nothing to get up for. Or if you’re feeling happy while people around you aren’t. Your feelings are important and so are you. Please know that. The only thing I want you to remember is that there’s always something or someone to get out of bed for and it might not seem like it right now, but a smile is always better than nothing. Go and spread positivity in any way possible. And if the news are getting too much for you, just turn them off. Do what makes you feel good.

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Please take care of yourself, guys. Again, we’re all in this together and we’ll get through this together. I’m sending you all tight hugs from my living room in Austria and hope you’re all doing good, as good as you can. If any of you feel like talking, I’m always here for you. And until then, thanks for listening to my rambling and, of course, thanks for reading. x

A walk through London

Hola everyone.

What a scary, uncertain place the world has become, huh? I can only imagine how some of you must be feeling right now, but I hope that you’re doing good, given the circumstances. I’m currently back home in Austria and waiting for this weird apocalyptic sci-fi movie that we’re currently stuck in to finally start rolling down its credits so I can leave the cinema.

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I’m going to be honest, before I got here, there was this point where I was debating whether I should stay in London or go home, but I decided that if shit was really going to go down, I’d rather be at home with my family. But I’m not going to lie, I really miss London and its normality of life. I mean, who knows what the situation is going to be like in a few days’ time, but for now I have to say I really enjoyed the stability this probably very mental and kinda dangerous dealing with this virus gave me. I’m just hoping everything will be back to normal again in a few weeks (hopefully even days), so I can go see my friends and celebrate my birthday. Maybe even go on that holiday to the south of France we booked before everything went downhill. And, naturally, so we can all continue with our usual lives and people can start feeling better again. I feel like we had to reach a point where we all had to fight for something together (besides the survival of our planet) and I think that time has come now.

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All I can say out of my current situation is that if you are planning on staying at home for a while, nothing is more important than your mental and physical health. I mean, that’s always the case, but especially now. I’m trying my best to keep away from any dramatic news to not make myself feel anxious and to just keep focusing on the bright side. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my parents and my pets, texting my friends, going for walks, but also taking some time for myself, because me-time is just as important as the time you spend with other people. So, look after yourself and your loved ones, do some exercise, cook something delicious and watch that movie you’ve been wanting to watch for weeks. Now’s the time. And please please please don’t give in to the panic. And – I feel a bit weird saying this, but I think it’s important – don’t go and buy more than you need. Toilet paper won’t keep you healthy, so just buy what you need. We’re in this together, so let’s make it the easiest it can be, yeah?

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In the light of current events, I’ve made it my mission to spread happiness and love and a bit of sun and that’s exactly what I want to do today. Before I flew home, I spent one of my last days in London with my friend Lauren. Surprisingly, it had been a beautiful, warm, spring-ish kind of day, so we decided to make the most of it and go for a walk. In the end, it turned out to be more than just a short walk and more like a stroll through a quarter of the city – over twelve kilometers in total – and I can’t even describe how glad I am that we did this. Walking along the canal, through Camden and Little Venice, and seeing all these new places while the sun kept lighting up our faces felt like a holiday trip. I absolutely loved it. And as it was such a nice day, I had decided to take my camera with me and the pictures I took are what I wanted to share with you today.

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Most of them depict the beautiful nature we came across during our walk, some buildings are in there as well and of course the overall theme is just the immense beauty of London. What a dream. Please enjoy.

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And yeah, that’s it. Please don’t forget to share your thoughts down below and if you feel like talking, I’m here. Before all of this started to go downhill, I was actually planning on taking a break from blogging during the time I’m home, but now that I will have a lot more free time, I’ll try my best to keep the blog updated. I know we’re all collectively struggling right now, so I’m sure you’ll understand. Also, I know this is a difficult time, but I’m convinced that we can fight this together. Again, please look after yourself and everybody around you and let’s just try to get through this as one. We can do it. Please stay safe everyone and I wish you all a lovely week. Thanks for reading. x

Meet Vincent

Hola everyone.

How are you all doing on this beautiful Monday? Another week, another new start, am I right? Actually, this is the last Monday I’ll be spending in London for over a month, as I’m flying home for my birthday and the Easter holidays on Saturday. And then, when I’m back, I’ll have about two months here and then summer will have come and my second year at BIMM will end. I’m sure the last year at uni will go by just as quickly as this one. And then it will be time for me to get a job and become a real adult. Ugh.

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But hey, let’s not think about that just now and worry about stuff that’s still in the future. Because, right now, I’m doing absolutely fantastic and I don’t think I could be doing any better. This is partly because of me living in London, basically the greatest city ever, and my amazing friends here and all the crazy, exciting stuff we do. And today, I’d like to show you some pictures of one of the events I went to with my very good friend Lauren a few days ago. It was beautiful. Please enjoy.

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As some of you might know, I’m a huge fan of art and painters, especially Monet and Van Gogh, and whenever there’s a chance for me to go to a museum or some cool art installation, you can bet that I’ll be there. So when I saw a few months ago that there would be a special Van Gogh exhibition coming to London, I immediately added it to my list of things I wanted to do in the city. And after a bit of a wait, it was finally time for us to the step into the magnificent world of Vincent Van Gogh.

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I’m not going to lie, it was pretty amazing and unlike anything I have ever seen. I don’t want to completely spoil it for you, as some of you might want to go and as I would totally recommend doing that too, so I’ll just say that the exhibition lets you get to know Van Gogh unlike any other museum or exhibition I’ve ever been to. It truly is absolutely magnificent. And if you go see it, don’t forget to take your camera with you, because there will be multiple occasions where you will want to take a picture, trust me. And speaking of that, here are some of my favourite pictures that I took that day. Some were taken on my camera, some with my phone. But all of them are fantastic and I’m so incredibly happy that we got to go to the exhibition. What a wonderful experience.

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And with that, we’ve already come to the end of today’s post. I hope you enjoyed reading about the exhibition and my pictures. If you’re interested in the installation or just want to find out more about it, here’s the link to the website. As always, I’d love to hear your opinions, so please don’t hesitate to get in touch. And until then I wish you all a great week and thanks for reading. x

I’m officially old

Hola everyone.

And welcome back to my blog and also another week. I hope you all had a lovely weekend and that you’re feeling great. As you can read from the title, today’s post is going to be a different one. And no, I’m not having a crisis, but only stating the plain and true facts. But let me explain…

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I’m officially old, guys. But not in the way you’re thinking. Yes, I’ll be 24 in just about three weeks (don’t talk to me about that please and thank you), but that’s not old. And no, I’m not telling myself that over and over again to keep my heart rate steady. I am fine. The thing that’s putting me off at the moment is that, for the first time ever, I felt too old to be at a gig. Yes, I am talking about the Cavetown gig I went to last Saturday. I felt like I had landed on some weird planet that was full of little kids with kazoos. And I didn’t understand a thing that was going on. At one point, there was a duet happening with – and I’m not making this up – an imaginary character from Animal Crossing. I mean… what?

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But it’s not like I wasn’t expecting it to be that way. For those of you who don’t know Cavetown, he’s a British singer-lad, who currently is 21, but who, from what I saw last weekend, is also trying really hard to not be an adult. And I’m not criticizing him for that in any way, because, clearly, it’s working. Selling out Shepherd’s Bush surely isn’t easy, so props to him. The thing is, he is incredibly talented, but he looks and sounds, and sometimes also acts like a kid. Again, not hating on him here, just recalling my experience. Maybe I was also just the wrong person to attend the gig. From what I could find out, his main fanbase is mostly between 14 and 19 years old. I am clearly about 5 years too old for him then. But I can’t even say that I didn’t enjoy the gig. To be honest, I’d actually say I loved it to bits, but maybe not in the way many others did that night.

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In short – my friend Lauren and I had a blast. We stood there, didn’t understand a thing of what was happening, were clearly confused when suddenly a huge teddybear named Patrick Stewart was brought on stage for emotional support, but nonetheless, we turned that evening into one of the funniest nights ever. And you know when something is so cute that it’s getting a bit too much, but you can’t be mad at it, because, yes, it’s still cute? That’s what that whole evening was like. Robin (Cavetown) is just the real personification of Peter Pan. An incredibly talented Peter Pan. At least that’s what I got from it.

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My favourite part of the whole night – besides finally getting to see HUNNY live as Cavetown’s support – was probably the end of the gig (no, I don’t mean it like what you think, I’m not that mean), when they played the concert-ending track. You know, with bands like Twenty One Pilots or The 1975 you get indie or rock songs. Or with Bombay Bicycle Club, you get a fun dance number from the 80s everyone can dance to. And then there’s Cavetown and we got the Wii music. I am not joking, please take this seriously. Yes, the Wii music. I had the time of my life. Nobody can imagine what a blast I had in that moment, with that utterly stupid but fun track playing, kids running around with their kazoos and Lauren looking at me in a way that said “please kill me now”. It doesn’t get better than this.

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But, all jokes aside, it really was a great gig and we really did have a fun night. HUNNY was an amazing support and an even better and funnier group to interview. Cavetown was incredibly talented and I absolutely loved his voice, even more so the stage design which was made up by tons of fairy lights in the background. But, nonetheless, I definitely wasn’t meant to attend that gig. Yes, I saw a lot of parents there, but we all know why most of them were there. I think I’ve just passed the point where I can go to fangirl-packed, kids-filled gigs. And that’s kinda sad, but I feel like also just a natural thing to happen. We all grow up, I guess. But my inner child that loves to dance to the Wii music will stay forever.

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And there you go, guys. That’s my story of being officially old. I hope you like it. As always, please let me know what you think. I wish you all a lovely week and, of course, thanks for reading. x

Don’t look under your bed

Hola everyone.

How are we all doing today? I hope so far your Friday has been great and that you had a fantastic week. I, for my part, am super excited for the weekend, as I’m going to another gig tomorrow, which I’ve been looking forward to for quite some time. Obviously, I’ll tell you all about it in my upcoming posts. But here’s what I wanted to talk to you about today…

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Have you ever had a childhood trauma? Or something that happened to you in your childhood, maybe even something really dumb, that kind of marked you for the rest of your life? And completely changed everything? Because I do. And it might sound really stupid, but honestly, I’m just stating facts here. For many many many years of my life, I have been afraid of stuff under my bed. Monsters hiding there. Ghosts. A sock in the wrong colour. Whatever. And because of that, I made my mum look under my bed, countless amounts of times. Of course, I knew that there wasn’t something, but that’s what kids do, right? I always knew where that pure and intense fear had come from, where it had all started, the root of it all. When I was about six or seven years old, I had watched a movie that basically scared the living crap out of me. It had been late at night, because I’ve always been a night owl, and I definitely wasn’t meant to watch that movie. But still, I did. The whole thing, on my own, at night. Sounds like the worst idea ever to you? Well, yeah, it was. And until yesterday, all I could remember was that that movie was the scariest thing I had ever seen in my life. Now, pay attention to the “until yesterday”.

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I found it. I don’t really know how I ended up searching for that movie at 3 am in the morning, but I did and I found it. And I can’t believe that this horror of a movie, that childhood trauma I’ve been dragging with me all these years, that stupid thing that has been floating around someplace in my head all this time, is a Disney Channel movie for kids. I mean, what? I’m sorry, but that definitely isn’t a kids’ movie. You kidding me? And here’s the craziest thing… I googled “horror movie siblings monster under the bed” and looked at the film posters and when I saw the first one, I immediately knew it was that one. And suddenly all these memories came flowing back to me and I could remember what the movie was all about. And to be honest, I’m pretty sure some of you will even know it, so here it is:

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I’ve only got one question… why? Just why? Why is that a kids’ movie? Who thought it was a good idea to make kids watch a movie about monsters hiding under their bed in a different dimension? That’s never a good idea, never. Do you know how often my mum had to look under my bed because of this? Too many times. I mean, yeah, now I know that the movie isn’t really a horror, but when you’re six, you forget about all the nice parts. So here’s the story in short: there are these two kids, sister and brother, and the girl is a bit too grownup for her age. And suddenly the Boogeyman (again, just why? This is a kids’ movie, ma’am) comes and drags her brother under her bed and she is left with his imaginary friend, that only kids can see (???). So, they try to get the brother back and go to that other dimension, but during that, the imaginary friend also starts to turn into a Boogeyman. At the end, they find the brother and find out that all the Boogeymen had once been imaginary friends of some other kids – or with that specific one, the girl’s one – who had been forgotten about too early. So they all start believing in them again. The end.

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There’s some background story of how the sister is acting so serious already because her brother has leukemia and she feels like she has to be the strong sister now, so I get how the whole movie actually has a really deep, interesting and also important meaning, but what the actual hell? It was still a freaking scary movie. Go on and google the movie and look up the Boogeyman. And then imagine seeing that as a young kid at night. I dare you.

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Obviously, I know I’m being very dramatic right now, but I feel like I need to emphasize the fact that I was young and scared. For years. But at the same time, I’m so glad I finally found the movie. I’m not sure why I didn’t google it earlier, but hey, at least we’re here now. I feel like by finding it, I turned my own Boogeyman back to something less scary. Thank god.

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Anyway, here’s the little story of my scarred childhood and the monster under my bed. It had been Disney all along. I should’ve known. If any of you have ever seen that movie, please do tell me if it also scared you as much as it did me. I’d love to hear your stories. And until then I hope you enjoyed reading my story. As always, I wish you all a lovely weekend and thanks for reading. x

My favourite photographers

Hola everyone.

And welcome back to my blog, a new Monday and a new week. I hope your weekend was good and that you’re all feeling well and happy. Can you believe February is already coming to an end? Because I can’t, at all. It’s gonna be March in just a few days, which means my birthday is already lurking around the corner. And then I’ll be 24. Oh wow. Time really flies by. And I know this sounds a bit sad or dramatic, but, I think, I’m happy about growing older, because, generally, it means growth and moving forward and that’s exactly what I want to do. To grow and to do more and to see more. Make the most of my life, basically. And to continue sharing all of that with you guys. Which I also want to do today, but, as you could see by the title of this post, we’re not going to focus on my life today, but on that of someone else. That of Louis van Baar, to be exact. Welcome to part four of the “my favourite photographers” series. Let’s go.

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Louis van Baar

Let me introduce you to Louis. If any of you are fans of Marty – Martin Garrix – and/or have ever taken a look at his Instagram, you will most definitely have seen some pictures that were taken by the wonderful Louis. You will surely have, because ever since 2014, Louis has been Marty’s official photographer and has thus spent the last five years and a bit traveling the world with him and taking pictures of him and the beauty that can be found on our amazing planet. And I’ll say it right upfront – Louis definitely is one of the best photographers I know and it happens more than just a few times that I look at one of his pictures and wonder how he managed to get such a perfect shot. In the end, he makes a living shooting EDM gigs, which are probably the most thrilling and rapid concerts ever. There are lasers and fire and the hyped-up crowd and, of course, the DJ, who’s jumping around like there’s no tomorrow. Getting a super clear, stunning shot in such circumstances sounds like the most difficult thing ever to me. But somehow Louis manages to get those perfect shots every single time and that’s only one of the reasons why I would call him a genius behind the camera.

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There is also the fact that Louis is super freaking young. I mean, just 26 years old young. That kind of young. And that’s his current age. Which means he started touring with Marty when he was just 21, which, looking at the pictures he took at that time, is mind-boggling to me. I know it might be a bit weird to base it all on age, but somehow, for me, talent definitely must be on another level when it develops that early and leads to such a career that early on.

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Obviously, him being that young, also Dutch and that talented in one, makes him the perfect photographer for Martijn. Because he isn’t just his photographer, but, more importantly, he’s also a really good friend. Actually, their story is super cute – in 2014, Martijn and his team were looking for a photographer for his summer tour and found Louis. They toured for a few weeks and it all went so smoothly, they decided to keep on working together. And now we’re in 2020 and they’re still together. How cute is that? And on top of that, a bit more than a year ago, they published a photography book, made up of Louis’ best shots and some background stories from Martijn. And yes, I have that book. Twice. It’s freaking stunning.

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When you take a look at Louis’ pictures, you can clearly tell that he has a special style. Big shots with lots of colours and a feel of dimension that makes it seem as if you’re in the picture. He quite frequently takes pictures of landscapes, architecture, and cities they visit, most of the time during helicopter flights. In short, the photos are breathtaking. In my opinion, they are so grand and aesthetically pleasing, that I could easily see them hanging in someone’s villa or be part of some special photography installation at a gallery. That also goes for all the shots he takes during Marty’s gigs, which never fail to perfectly capture the feeling of his shows. The lasers, the fire, the energy, and excitement – you can feel it all through the pictures. That’s why Louis is such a genius photographer. He doesn’t only capture the colours, the view, but also the feeling, the moment. What an artist.

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I highly recommend checking out his and Marty’s Instagrams as well as Louis’ website to take a closer look at his art. I’ve also gone and picked out a few of my favourite shots of him, which you can see down below. I hope you like them. Obviously, none of them belong to me, all the rights go to Louis. Additionally, here’s the link to their photography book, which I can also highly recommend. It’s one of those books you can have lying on your table as a piece of art or decoration. It is that pretty.  And yeah, besides that, I hope you enjoyed this post and getting to hear Louis’ story and to see his amazing pictures. As always, please don’t hesitate to leave your thoughts and comments down below. And, of course, I wish you all a nice week and thanks for reading. x

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